There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
