It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
