the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
