I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
