my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
