Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
