I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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