hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
