I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
