Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
