Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
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I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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