You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
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We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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