It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
