You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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