I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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