I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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