No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
