i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
