sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
