I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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