at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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