After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
