16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
