It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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