im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
