im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
