Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize