Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
