Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
