You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
