Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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