Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
