Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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