They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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