the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
