Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
