i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Green mimosas i think yes
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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