If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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