no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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