You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
