i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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