Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
