the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
