Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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