First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
