Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize