Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
