Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
