Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
