how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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