you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'