How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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