I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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