there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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