you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just had sex on a roof
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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