forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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