Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
