Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
