the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
