You smell like stripper and shame
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
