my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
