it wasn't lemon gatorade
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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