I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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