i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
