someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
