So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Are we still banned from the library?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My vagina just clenched in fear
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
