i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
