last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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