i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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