Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize