Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
